Feeling moody after toking to NZ. i realised a lot of things about myself. I guess she is 1 of those frenz that i both enjoy and hate toking to. 1 thing is for sure she is very frank.

She is like a mirror to shine out wateva personality i have. And i tot that she couldn't see thru me. i guess that i am wrong. Its juz that she din tell me. But i felt much better after telling her wat she wanted to noe.

She asked me if i was interested in her. What a surprising question, i told her yes.. and i din noe why.But ists alright, I seriously think that she is a very gd fren.. I think if we are attached to each other there will be a whole lot of problems. I think that there will b a million ways that we dun see eye to eye to each other.

Seriously, i do haf my confidence time, but its juz not now, it wasn't when i was in JC its certainly wasn't when i was in Secondary School, and obviously not Primary School. In fact, I was insecure all the time. Oh my I guess she is so freaking right, I am certainly insecure. But why is that so?

I don't think i noe the reason myself... maybe its juz in my subconscious. I guess is all the time that i get laugh at when i was in sch, when i was in sec sch, I dunno why this person is always in my mind and he still haunts me. Maybe cos he laugh at me so many times and made me felt inferior over and over again.I think the many decisions I made are all due to him.

It not so much abt the girl whom i claim, or am i just looking for a reason to fill in the gap of my ambitious nature. Or am i? Or i am just crazily looking for some stupid reason to feel recognised? Wat am i actually?

For so long that i noe myself, i have been trying hard to instill the sense of confidence in myself.. especially when i tok so much to my frenz or the way i reminisces the "glorious" things that i have done. Like being the president of Harmonica. Is this juz my way of filling in the empty void that i had created due to my insecurity and my lacking of self-confidence?

I seriously dun understand myself anymore. Is there some1 whom i can ask. I really dunno. I guess I will nv noe.... Let's juz end off here.. if not i will feel more depress...