ok almost till the end of the week le.. that's so great haha.. but gotta finish up my survey this week at least finish up the 4 points.. haha.. if not very sian... got so many things to do at 1 shot.... Seems like a lot of ppl having bdae recently... haha.. But i think October will be more.. gotta get gifts for them lor.. haha... haiz...

Actually feeling very sian recently maybe is like got many thinks to do recently ba.. haha.. rather bz? trying my best to earn for my sch fees.. gonna make it soon. Juz a bit more.. haha... $3k... is that a lot... i dunno leh.. at least to me its considered a bit only le... cos got a far greater sum to think of.. haha...

Aniwae.... I recently realised that my self esteemed has increased? is that how u express it? Increased? haha... I used to haf this esteem problem... When i was in Primary Sch and also when i was in Secondary School... Maybe JC also... When i was in Primary school i was like a disaster... i couldn't like play with the other kids really... cos I couldn't Kick the ball ( the ball kicked me) I couldn't really dribble the ball.... ( the ball whacked me) So i was like a bit of outcaste i guess... Dun mind me if any of my pri sch mates are reading this.. its juz what i felt.. haha....

Sec was qt bad... haha Cos i got low self esteem thing inherited...from Pri sch.. what to do.. haiz... then got this problem of looking like shit.. haha... cos i dun come from a well to do family i guess. so to save money... guess wat's my hair cut... haha... botak... haha.... so there were times when my hair is extremely long.. (save money wait till long long then cut) then there were times when my hair was extremely short.... then pocket money too pathetic.. not much of a chance to go out wif frenz to whatever mac or outside food.... tried to save money by bringing bread to sch to eat.. haiz... really felt like shit at that time.... I wonder how i scrape thru that few years.... can't go out too often no transport allowance... So I had only studies to be my fren.... can only wish to study hard.. cos that's the only thing i am good at... So frenz dun be envious of my gd grades... its sth like i paid a price for it... or rather that's the only thing i did if i not gd.. seriously.. i would haf killed myself long long time ago...

Wah i think i feel so sad tying this now man.. like digging out my sad past... everyone has a past its either happy or its sad... dun morry i am not brooding over it.. juz felt like expreesingmyself today... that's wat a blog is for.... haha....

Guess when i was in commonwealth other than the bunch of frenz that i am close with there really isn't much for me to look back... or maybe some of the teachers.... but i really dun share such a close bond with the sec as did some of my peers did... some times i really envy them for being about to like something so much.... I seriously never tried that b4....

I had never been in a realtionship as in a serious/stable 1... as in i nv have that feeling of really loving something/someone to the extend that i can give up everything.... I don't think I am desperate or anything is just that I NOW really don't want to live life as it is.. i wanna do something for myself... as in do things with a lil more passion... give my frenz a fair share of love that they deserve from me...

sometimes i really feel that i need some 1 to guide me... haha... Its tiring...